We are racing on with summer now and more than half of our year is behind us. It’s been a good year for the farm and our family. One where I can step back and look at the positive events and feel content. Maybe not everything has gone to plan, but I set my goals at a different level these days. I know what a bad year looks like, and how it can rip the very heart out of your chest.

That was 2016.

One day I will write about it, for now I prefer to look forward. Just a very brief background of events. It began when our eldest son, George, contracted Sepsis. The name even sends shudders through me. It sounds like a snake, creeping slowly, darkly, eyes focused on its prize…taking a life. Just a horrible, shocking infection. This was to be only the beginning of a very difficult time for our family. The repercussions which led My Farmer and me to change how we live our lives, how we parent, how we feel about living.

It brought an awful lot of sadness into our world. Sometimes the things you have seen and felt to your core, can never leave you. It made me feel very vulnerable, and unable to help those I loved.

In hindsight, the fact that virtually everything happened within one year -2016- was helpful. The year became the focus and when time inevitably ticks on, that year moves further into history. Every year that passes now brings something positive…we are not in 2016!

It’s an odd one really. But it’s how I like to look at it. Even 2018 and having to spend half of the year lying on my back waiting for spinal surgery, was still a better year in my book! It was easier to bear than the suffering of a loved one.

2019 has been a big year for us here on Exmoor. George at 18, is back to full health and happiness, flying off to find his own way in the world. He is teaching Sea Kayaking in the South of France, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. Alfie has completed his GCSEs and has spent his last days in school uniform. He has the rest of a great summer ahead of him and College to look forward to in the Autumn. Martha has now left Primary School and will soon be taking the ‘dream ride’ on a school bus to senior school. To top it all, My Farmer and I reached the milestone of our 25-year wedding anniversary this week! For me this feels quite a lot to get my thoughts around.

My biggest job, and to me most valuable, has been being a mother. Seeing George through his illness and the long recovery, has been at times, the hardest thing I imagine I will ever do. If there is anything more to be thrown at me along the way…just don’t tell me what it is!

One thing that I have learnt is that I cope better when I am in full flood. That point when you can’t dwell and think too much, action is what’s needed, and a positive mindset.

I think that’s where I am now. I’m feeling a little off balance, action is what’s needed. I’m in project overload!

So….this poor house has had every inch scrutinised, and lists are being made. If I didn’t spend so much of my day being drawn outside to play with all my four-legged friends I could spend a fortune! That is if I had a fortune to spend, of course. The real projects we are investing in right now are the ones that can make a difference to how we sustain a costly place like a farm.  Firstly, my new kennels are being built…as …we …speak!! It’s very exciting for me. The mother in me adores nurturing warm, sweet, vulnerable little beings and helping them to grow big, strong and happy. My dogs are filling the place of my children as they begin to need me less. You just can’t have enough sweet faces around. It’s good for the soul. Fact.

The team are all in their new home now, with a few things still to be finished, and they seem very happy. So am I. I have designed the kennels to withstand the harsh weather we can get up here, and to keep everyone warm and dry. Each kennel has its own run which can open out onto a large paddock. Which WILL be secure when we can find where Flo (the monster!) escapes from. I’m sure she’s dug a tunnel!

We then are waiting for plans to be drawn up for our little barn/cottage conversion. I’ve written about that before on my website. We hope to be able to start work in the autumn. It will be great to be able to use such a beautiful space for our guests. The farmhouse is wonderful, but it’s built into the hillside and has been extended over the years into a barn at one end and a granary at the other. Consequently, it has many tricky little steps, steep stairs and bathrooms at the far reaches of the house.

All of this is fine for us ‘hardy’ hill farming folk. I am saying this with tongue firmly in my cheek! When we arrived here during the snowy winter of 2011, we were FREEZING! ALL THE TIME! There were draughts from everywhere. The windows, up through the floors, ill fitting doors. Name a place, and the wind blew through it. We have improved the ‘air-flow’ through much of the house, but it is a 17th century building with much of it never intended to be a dwelling. It has its issues. We found that as time marched on we didn’t notice the cold so much. Yes, we have a good supply of warm clothes, and slippers are essential on the kitchens slate floor! But we have adapted. Maybe our blood is thicker?! We are also now fresh air freaks and will only close the bedroom windows at night in very extreme weather. Although Alfies run in with a hornet’s nest in the wisteria around his bedroom window…oh, and the bat incident (which was hilarious actually) …means that his window now stays firmly closed! I can’t say I blame him.

Anyhow, all of these delights mean that for some of our relatives this house can be a little difficult to stay in. The cottage will be a wonderful retreat for our guests with an unrivalled view over our beautiful garden, the mesmeric life on our pond and the star of the show, the moor. We hope to rent the cottage for some of the year too. I do wonder what these visitors will think of Rustle howling at the moon when he takes his evening constitutional. Or the mad barking from Ben and Dan when Simon, the postman, arrives doling out letters and dog biscuits. There is the noise of the animals being brought into the yard for TB testing or worming. Those awful days in the spring when My Farmer is cleaning the whole winters muck out of the sheds. My God that stinks! Muck spreading on the field smells like sweet peas in comparison. Am I making it sound appealing?? Would you come and stay?

Did I mention the stars? Exmoor is a dark skies reserve. I have never felt so small, so insignificant, and so connected with our universe, than when I am looking up at the night sky above this old house.

I think you would come.

For centuries people have come to stay on farms. I still remember visiting a Welsh farm as a child. They had a fox hound as a pet. We were told that it would leave the farm every autumn to join the local hunt and return in the spring at the end of the hunting season. It would come home now and again, sometimes brought back by the huntsman, for a good feed and a rest. They couldn’t keep it in without it becoming too distressed. So this is how it lived. Quite romantic I felt. What was stranger was that they also had a fox kept in a run, which had been found as a sickly cub, and had never learnt to survive in the wild. In reflection it was all a bit back to front wasn’t it? The child I was then thought it was the most magical place…and they had orange juice at breakfast!

Lots of project planning to get my teeth into then. Which is just how I like it. First job…train Rustle to perform his moon gazing quietly!

Back to Top